confusion

Its hard to wake up and go on when you know there is so much pain and your struggling with tears. do you show the world the weakness or keep going? how far can you get till the past catches you? is it better to face the past than to keep it hidden in the closet like old clothes. i dream that one day it will all be clear. how do i know what i want if i have everything? how do i know what i don't. how do i chose between the old and the new? its been forever till i have my emotions come to light. how do someone who been through a lot and sucked it up , lets it out? I'm tired of hidden her in the closet when she wants to be heard. will i ever have the courage the power to let the world see her. how do i stand tall when my knees are starting to cave. i guess the only thing left is that i breath and take it one step at a time.confusion that probably never leave

i reached out for hand
but it faded away
i reached for your love
but it slipped threw my fingers
i called out
but you didn't hear
i picked up the rose you gave me
but the thrones pricked my finger
it bleed on and on
just like my soul
i fell down and you
didn't even notice

where the sidewalk ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends

And before the street begins,

And there the grass grows soft and white,

And there the sun burns crimson bright,

And there the moon-bird rests from his flight

To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black

And the dark street winds and bends.

Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow

We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And watch where the chalk-white arrows go

To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,

For the children, they mark, and the children, they know

The place where the sidewalk ends.

"GOD can heal he can deliver" so why doesn't he heal my broken heart??

tears run like hot water;

trickeling down burning on my soul

never

my heart beats just a little faster around you
my voice a little calmer
the blood in my body rushes as adrenaline is released
i open my mouth to say your name
my tongue a little heavy
your name triclkles off the tips of my lips
"hold me" i say
"kiss me" i say
and you do unconditional.
"never leave me" i wisperd
in your ear
you said "never"
you said "never break my heart"
"never" i said as i looked in your eyes.
in return for your love;
i broke your heart.

WAITING

she stood there waiting for him
but he never came
she stood there with her heart on her sleeve
waiting , he never came
she stood there without judgment
she stood there with unconditional love
but he never came
she stood there just waiting and waiting
but he never came

confused

I feel hurt and confused.feelings tangled in a web. what is it that i want? do i still love him or not. am i ready to put my feet back in the water on just sit on the sand. what do i want? how do i know its what i want when i find it. looking for someone or something. why is it that i feel such pain but hide it from the world. my emotions i write on paper and hide from the world. afraid to show my feelings of love and pain. afraid of unwanted sympathies. life goes on as the world spins still I'm stuck in time afraid of moving. there was a point in time that i would throw myself off the bridge for love,fun or just for the hell of it. but now i wont even walk across the bridge so afraid to fall off.where am i going and how do i get there. I'm looking for a sign I'm doing this right. did i make the biggest mistake of my life or did i save myself the pain?

in the clouds they all stay

in the clouds they all stay
in the clouds i leave you
i leave the rose
and the dove
i love the pillows of dreams
and wishes of golds
i leave the bottle of dark colors
i leave the lost
and the broken
forever to rest at your heart
i leave the book which took away the pain
and the pen which recorded it..
i leave in the clouds all that laid within

unspoken

a year older a year wiser - i always hear but what does it really mean . does living another year make me wiser?.... some may argue yes others no. a step closer to adult hood ten steps back to being unsure. how do i decide from choices when im nnot sure of what my choices are. how do i know if i've mad the right descion when it feels so wrong. if people strive for love than why give up on love is the question. why break the heart of your so called love? a question i can't answer at least not yet. if this is love and i've mad a horrible mistake will it come back, if it is not how will i know love when it appears? questions that go unsolved day to day . will they ever be answered? what happens if i fall in love for someone who doesn't love me? do i pretend not to notice or continue ? what happens when i feel like emotions are weights at my ankles draging me down. do i give in and drown keeping me human or do i become immurtal cutting them off like pesty weeds. so much emotions overwelm me in a day anger towards my father pain towards those hurt' annoyance towards those who think they know. broken hearted chrismen with pain but still finds the strenght to go on. in the clouds they all stay.